November 17, 2004

In the Name of the Bush

The more newspaper letters I read in the aftermath of the presidential election, the more I find myself wanting to cry, “Jesus!” Why? Because letters to newspapers are reading more and more like those scary religious tracts that people leave in toilet stalls. If these letters are any indicator, then the future of our country was decided by those who think that the world is about to end. Nice going. Here’s a sample for your reading displeasure:

“I thank God and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that George W. Bush was reelected President of the United States. Throughout the trials of the past four years, Bush has fulfilled his divinely ordained role as a moral and steadfast war president. I want to thank all of those who overwhelmingly voted to keep this messenger of God in the White House. Fully 51 percent of voters know what it means to be American!

“When the popular-vote count went to Al Gore in 2000, I thought that Satan himself had permanently taken over the American electoral process. Fortunately, God Himself stepped in and sent five angels in black robes to anoint Bush president. What a glorious moment that was for American democracy!

“When the evil Muslim terrorists struck the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, the Rev. Pat Robertson blamed America for its decadent ways. Nonsense! If the attacks proved anything, it’s that the merciful Lord loves America more than any other nation on Earth! After all, 9/11 allowed President Bush to fulfill his fate as a wartime commander-in-chief. Before 9/11, Bush was not the best president; in fact, he was downright unpopular and unqualified. We knew that when we voted for him! So on that fateful day, tears welled up in our eyes as we united behind our president. As a nation, we could not have been prouder of Bush than we were on 9/11!

“Through two wars, massive tax cuts and faith-based initiatives, Bush has shown that he will do anything to preserve the sanctity of the conservative people. Every action Bush has undertaken—be it record deficits, sidestepping the Constitution, ignoring domestic issues or supporting the death penalty—bears the unmistakable imprint of the hand of God. Even if some of these decisions seemed destructive at the time, rest assured that nothing happens without a reason. If Bush does something, then, he obviously has a good reason for doing so. Just trust the man. A messenger of Christ can do no wrong!

“I thank God that George W. Bush will be the man at the helm to address the most dangerous and pressing issues of our times: gay marriage and abortion! Before we can ever hope to address such trivial issues as terrorism, education and the economy, we must ensure that this nation returns to the moral roots defined in America’s founding document, the Bible. Though the president has no power to directly affect such laws as gay marriage and abortion, his possible three Supreme Court appointments can help to overturn Roe v. Wade as soon as possible. That is, if they agree to hear a case that has enough potential to reverse the law and eventually rule in favor of change. But with God on our side, all of those astronomical odds are in our favor!

“With Bush in office, America will continue to save the world from those countries that have the nerve to think that their religion and their country rule the world. To that I say, ‘God Bless America!’”

Looks like some people will do anything to justify both their support of George W. Bush and their beliefs. How sad is that?

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