March 31, 2003

My Conservative Awakening

This "column" ran as part of the April Fool's edition of The Vermilion, aka "The Vermin." A girl I met told me she was so impressed by this column that she had taped it to her wall. She hadn't realized it was a joke.

Since June 2002, I have graced each issue of The Vermin with my opinions on issues of current interest. The topics I have weighed in on have varied from cockfighting and reality TV to the Pledge of Allegiance and Sept. 11. With the onset of the War on Iraq, I have come to the realization that we no longer live in the kind of world that I have advocated for so long. These days, you'd have to be an idiot to be a liberal! That's why, in the interest of fair and balanced reporting, I have decided to shed my left wing and join the forces of the right.

This does not mean that the search for a new conservative columnist has stopped. In fact, we have decided that the best way to counteract the liberal media is to showcase two conservative views in The Vermin's commentary section for a change.

What prompted my epiphany? A reader recently compared me to Scott Vige, who served as The Vermin's conservative columnist in 1999. For those of you who missed this glory period in our paper's history, Scott wrote four-part columns on the evils of Bill Clinton, Janet Reno and gay pride. He also complained about the NRA and how radically liberal they were. Since I write so much like Scott, I figured I might as well go all the way. And boy, do I have a lot to live up to!

No longer will I decry the corporate media for aiding our great President Bush in making a case for war. War is absolutely necessary! After all, Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction that he has used on his own people. He was also solely responsible for Sept. 11. Anyone telling you any different is un-American!

It's only the truth from me from now on; conservatism is the way to go. God Bless George W. Bush and God Bless America!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

To bad you really aren't like Scott. I know Scott personally and he's a stand up guy... better then you are, for sure. I went to UL and occassionally read the university's piece of rubbish that passed for a newspaper. If not for Scott Vige and Keith Guidry who then drew a strip called Osmo and the political cartoon, the paper would really have been a complete waste as it is pretty much typical, collegiate, liberal drivel.

3:44 PM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I can tell you haven't read The Vermilion within the past eight years. A pity, because you'd really love it now. I think it would fit your standards quite nicely.

And, for the record, if Scott is a "real stand-up guy," then it really didn't shine through in his writing.

5:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't assume.

Actually, as a close friend of Scott's and Keith Guidry and an alumnus of ULL, class of 04, I did occassionally read the Vermilion from 99 to 04, not to mention even way back in 91, the first time I went to college there.

As a conservative, the Verm never fit my standards... not over the 13+ years I was familiar with it. And for the record, Scott's as stand-up as you'll find since he's a public servant, a police officer. Has been for a number of years since graduating.

7:13 PM  
Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Maybe the Verm didn't fit your standards...but then again, conservatives are notoriously hard to please. And it never fit my standards either, except maybe in the years right around the time I started at UL in 1998. Over the years I was a columnist, the quality of the paper dropped sharply. I can only hope its current incarnation represents its nadir.

As for Scott, good for him. I only hope that he is not exercising his outspoken prejudices in daily practice.

8:11 PM  

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