January 22, 2003

I am an Idiot

“We ought to build a museum of Modern Left-Wing Lunacy…where people can come to see great examples of contemporary liberal idiocy.” –Sean Hannity

How can anyone still be a liberal in 2003? You’d have to be such an idiot!

Such audacity they have in questioning the actions of our president, especially in a time of war! No great American war was ever won by criticizing our leadership. After all, recall what happened in Vietnam: protests galore occurred across America for years and the Viet Cong shanghaied our troops. Is this what we want to happen again?

Liberals are no better on issues regarding the home front. With the need for domestic security at an all-time high, what do these “Americans” get hung up over? Protecting civil liberties! That’s right, amigos, the left places a higher priority on preserving constitutional rights than it does on ensuring that real American citizens feel safe at all times from THOSE people.

Speaking of “protection,” the only time liberals ever seem to use that word is when they are referring to the condoms they distribute among our impressionable preschoolers. Thanks to them, you cannot set foot onto a school campus these days without bouncing off a mound of latex!

To the intelligent (definition: anyone who isn’t on the left), protection means carrying a loaded firearm or having one in reach at all times. If everyone walking the streets packed heat as the Constitution (and God) tells them they must, the fear factor alone would drop crime down to zero.

These same liberal idiots forced upon us eight nightmarish years of Bill Clinton. Thank God we had an opposition party to drudge up the truth about this filthy creature, who had the nerve to try drugs in the sixties and who admitted that he liked sex!

That period of pestilence is long over. Since 2001, the adults have been back in charge. Much like his father, George W. Bush has formulated a highly aggressive foreign policy designed to send the message that the United States is better than anyone else. And who can blame him?

Yes, the mighty United States has been reclaimed by its true owners, the conservative majority. Being that conservatives have the absolute lock on morality, they will steer this country back into the divine light shined on it from the heavens. Our leaders will not rest until all nations bent on questioning America’s status as supreme authority of the universe are annihilated. The American citizenry has shown that it will suspend concern about the economy if it means kicking around some foreign booty. You’d have to be an idiot liberal to disagree with any of this!

If all that makes me an idiot, then I’ll take immense pride in being one. The world is not black and white and liberals acknowledge that. Better for me to be an idiot than to pretend I know everything.

Thoughts on the New Year

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions—I’m perfect—but I feel amiss if I don’t make an annual list of optimistic hopes for the coming year. These four capture everything I could ask for out of 2003:

1) That those of us in the newspaper industry be really, really bored.

2) That George W. Bush gets a popularity rating somewhat consistent with his performance.

3) That the Saints ride a late-season surge into the Super Bowl.

4) That 2003 not resemble 2001 or 2002 in any way, shape, form or fashion.

Of the above predictions, I put my money on number three; that one seems to stand the best chance of actually happening.


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